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Grief – the loss of a loved one

Grief and Loss

Of all the trials we face in life, the loss of a loved one may be one of the hardest to endure, much less overcome. During these dark times, the worst within us rises and threatens to overwhelm, but while we are at our worst, we are also at our best.

Our unique strengths appear as we fight to persevere.

Grief is universal, but understanding the particular challenges faced by different personalities, may help us prepare for the inevitable and cope with the irreversible.

Grief, sadness and depression are all emotional states that drain a person’s energy and stated to be one of the biggest causes of stress. Once we get past the anger of losing someone, these feelings follow closely behind and in no particular order, or over a specific time span. During times of grief, we don’t seek pleasure and we don’t enjoy life. Our energy for such matters usually evaporates during mourning. The energy depletion is often intense and we sometimes hear phrases like, “I don’t know how I’m going to go on with my life.”

For some people, the death of a loved one is a death of possibility, future adventures, shared goals and dreams, all gone. The only thing left is fading memories. Grief wounds us all, but for some, the hurt is more visceral than most, and they may find loss hardest to accept.

Some people believe that death can give some relief from a life full of hardship.

Some people realise that they are “very afraid” to die.

Some people are not content with the fact that everyone has to die.

Some people start to think about how short life really is.

Some people start to worry about the possibilities of death-inducing events like future wars.

On the whole, many people love happy endings, but more than that, they love that happiness doesn’t need an ending. Death is final, and it serves as a slap in the face to people’s soft-hearted optimism. This is why some people may struggle more than most at foraging meaning out of the chaos of grief.

Drawing upon Resilience

As terrible as grief is, as heavy as it lies on our shoulders, grief is very rarely in a hurry to leave us. Eradicating that pain would mean people ridding themselves of the person they once loved. They may find themselves revisiting old memories for comfort – but instead drawing up pain.

With their inability to ignore their emotions or to forget their loved one, the question must be asked: How do some people deal with their grief? How do they avoid being consumed by it?

Healthy mourning allows people to pass through their exhausting sadness, to accept their loss and then to arrive at a “new normal”.

For some, they may need more private time than usual to rebuild their reserves following a tragedy, but they should be careful not to turn this into isolation.

Some would do well to remember that although there may be a strange comfort in the company of ghosts, living people must take precedence.

Because of their nature, some people have remarkable resilience and an uncanny ability to adapt to changing circumstances.

Even in the darkest of times, some people find ways to be hopeful that life can be beautiful again, and it’s this hope, no matter how small, they should cling to as they find their way out of grief.

Effective grief counselling is mostly about giving people permission to deal with death in the way that suits them best.

Whatever your personality type, when you face a loss, give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to get through the experience in your own way. And be generous enough to allow others to grieve in their fashion even if it doesn’t feel quite right to you.

Has a loss left you feeling like a shadow of your former self? Or did you find strength, even in your sorrow? Please share your thoughts with me so I can help others in future.

This piece of writing has been adapted from a piece published by The 16Personalities Team at 16personalities.com


PlumEssence Therapies and Training can offer a range of natural therapies to help you cope with, and manage grief, whether that’s a safe space to talk, aromatherapy, reiki, crystal therapy, meditation and mindfulness or NLP and hypnotherapy. No obligation chat’s are always offered to see if we can work together.

Contact [email protected] or call 01889 808388 or 07803399594.

What is Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy

What is hypnosis?  What is it not?  What is it good for? 


Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis interpretation

Hypnosis is a scientifically proven procedure to produce a desired specific outcome, and one of positive change.

Hypnosis is about allowing the mind to slip into a deep state of focused un-consciousness and relaxation and being, and feeling, safe.  It is within this safe place that the mind can accept altered thought processes.

Hypnosis is accepted by the medical profession.


Therapeutic outcomes – Hypnotherapy is a therapy using hypnosis.  How?

Paul McKenna states “Hypnosis allows us to talk directly to parts of the body and mind, which are not under conscious control.  Incredible as it may seem, in hypnosis we can actually persuade the body to behave differently, even though our conscious mind has no means of directing that change”.

Hypnosis can be used as a therapeutic tool, to tap into the subconscious mind and transform areas of your life.

It can change how you think, feel and behave by considering how we use our mind and language and how we allow others to influence us.

During a hypnotherapy session, the physical body calms, relaxes and generally feels better, sending signals and messages to the brain, which results in the mind feeling better and relaxing even further.  A wonderful situation to be in, with the whole process reducing stress, allowing the physical body to use its energy to encourage healing and boosting the immune system, generally improving health and well-being.

It is considered that virtually anyone can be hypnotised, although like many things, some people can be more easily hypnotised than others.

Whilst being hypnotised, people are in control and can terminate the session should they want to.

Fears of use

It appears people are sceptical, and even fearful, of hypnosis because of the ridicule element by stage hypnotists and how it has been portrayed in the media.  I am not someone who believes in laughing at someone else’s expense.  I’m a therapist, of course I’m not going to make you behave like a chicken!

Some people are also afraid of hypnosis for fear of unearthing something that shouldn’t be unearthed, or having something lingering that shouldn’t be lingered.  With the hypnotherapy sessions I conduct, there is often no need to delve into the past.  Although client’s may offer their background during consultation, I believe the sessions are about moving forward.  In fact, one client thanked me for specifically for NOT focusing on the cause of her anxiety.

Hypnosis & Hypnotherapy – What it is not

Hypnotherapy is not an instant or miracle cure, or fix, to a problem.

Hypnotherapy is not about altering the memory or removing memories.  It is also not about going to sleep, falling asleep or being asleep.

Hypnosis is not about a person losing control, of either their mind or body.  This could be a perception that could be attributable to stage hypnosis.  Stage Hypnosis, in my opinion, is not an acceptable nor ethical form of entertainment, as I feel it devalues the power of the process.


Hypnosis is achieving a deeply relaxing state of mind and body, which enable the body and mind to calm, unwind and heal.  It should be an effective and pleasant experience.

Hypnosis can be a powerful tool.

For full benefit, hypnotherapy can be used to help you, while you, the conscious person, takes actions alongside the hypnotherapy sessions, for a desired outcome, which is usually one of positive change.

Some consider Traditional Hypnosis to have a partial success rate because it is not very effective for people who are critical or analytical of the hypnosis process.  To some extent, the belief of hypnosis is required in order for it to have a beneficial outcome.

If you want to try hypnotherapy to reduce stress and anxiety, improve self-esteem or confidence, or to stop smoking or lose weight, then why not make contact for a no-obligation chat?

Contact Tracey on [email protected] or call 01889 808388

Hypnotherapy to stop smoking

Hypnotherapy to stop smoking

I would like to help companies be more profitable with the use of hypnotherapy.


From 1st October, a 28-day stop-smoking challenge starts, called Stoptober.  The idea being that smokers support one another, and receive support, to quit smoking.  Naturally, some will endorse the use of e-cigarettes, patches and other stop smoking medicines, but is that just replacing one item with another?

It is stated that if people can stop smoking for 28 days, they are 5 times more likely to stop for good.

The Centre for Economics and Business Research states that a smoking employee costs a company £1522 per year (at 2014 rates).  This is due to higher incidences of sickness absence and due to smoking breaks, which was calculated to equate to 136 hours of lost productivity.

Apart from being a body-worker, Tracey of PlumEssence Therapies is also a smoking cessation hypnotherapy specialist.  There are an awful lot of companies that employ quite a lot of smokers (apparently, an average of 20% of a company’s workforce are smokers).

If companies engaged Tracey to help their employees quit smoking, they could save about £1300 per smoking employee.

Consider, how many employees in your company (or one you know of) and calculate how many of them (remember an average of 20%) could be smokers.

The company could save about £1300 per employee, the employees are healthier and wealthier and the company has a better reputation for improving personnel welfare.  Sounds like a win-win to me.

If you would like to consider hypnotherapy to help improve the health and welfare of you and your personnel, then please just get in touch for a no-obligation chat or meet up for a cuppa (I’m happy to pay for the cuppa)

Call Tracey on 01889808388 or email [email protected]

Suffering Insomnia?

To me, people will say things like: “I’m really struggling with sleep, for many reasons. I’ve tried guided meditation and lavender. My mind wanders when I try to meditate. I’m only getting about 4 hours sleep a night” “I have insomnia”.

Sleep is so important.  Lack of sleep can affect all aspects of your life, leaving you mentally and physically exhausted and causing a number of health concerns as well as potential issues with your relationships.

There are so, so many reasons for insomnia and so many ways to try and beat it.  Sadly, there is usually no ‘quick fix’ and more than one treatment and/or therapy needs to be applied, on a daily basis, for them to start to be successful.

Although people say they don’t want to bore me with details, if I had a consultation with them, I would want to know those details so I could start to think of the right treatments for them.

Although I never believe in a one-size-fits-all approach, here are some questions you could ask yourself, and some ideas based on the potential answers to those questions.

Meditation and/or self-hypnosis.

Both are difficult to practise and be successful at.  And, they do need practise.  If you are trying any of these, I would suggest, keep at it.  If your mind wanders, try and bring it back to the present, focus on counting your breaths until you start to empty your mind again.  With daily practise, you can achieve from 2 minutes per session to 2 hours (if you wanted to, which I never have, lol).  Try and do it more than once per day.  It does get easier.

How and when are you exercising?

Are you exercising during the day or late into the evening?  It could be that your body type is not one that wants to exercise too late as it continues to be awake and have its metabolic rate still going, as well as the various hormones which keep the body active internally, even if we are not physically active.  If you are exercising in the evening, up to 4 hours before starting to wind down, perhaps you need to change your routine?

Do you have a fixed bed time routine?

This is something I teach a lot.  A switch off routine is incredibly important.  Things like:  When you have finished work, take a shower to wash off the day (or a bath with marjoram or chamomile oils would be better), change your clothes, prepare for the next day, drink chamomile tea, eat a light meal, no alcohol, no sugar, write your journal and switch off technology at least an hour before bed.  Some people think this is the best time to listen to some hypnosis, meditation etc, but it isn’t if the therapist wakes you up.  Listen to bed time ones where they don’t wake you up/bring you out of trance.  Have a set bed time and routine and you will soon see the benefits.


Personally I am not a fan of lavender.  Mainly because people do not realise that if they over-use it, lavender is actually a stimulant.  Chamomile essential oil and marjoram essential oils are much better, in my opinion.  You can also drink chamomile tea to calm you from the inside out.  Chamomile tea with honey or maple has other, enhanced, benefits too and good if you don’t like the taste of just chamomile tea.


When are you actually taking time out for you?  Naturally, I massively advocate a damn good aromatherapy massage to relax the whole you, inside and out, mentally and physically.  Arrange one late in the afternoon, at least once a month (more to start with) so that you can relax for the rest of the day before bed.

Time out and mindfulness

How often do you just go for a stroll, preferably in nature?  I don’t mean a fast walk, or calorie burning in any way, I mean, a dawdle along, being mindful and appreciative of the things around you, using all your senses.  Try and practise being mindful every day too.  It becomes easier with practice.


Do you journal?  If not, why not?  If you have a lot going on in your head, dump your thoughts on paper.  Keep a separate appreciation journal, where the last thing you do, is write down a few things you are grateful for, every day.

If the things in your head are things that need to be said, but you can’t, then write a letter to the people involved, but a letter that is never sent.

This is not exhaustive but a few of the most common things I suggest to people.  I don’t suggest you try them all at once, because that, too, will be overwhelming and so exhausting.

Let me know how you feel about any, or all, of these and tell me which ONE you are going to start with.

Naturally, I can help with a range of therapies to help you improve your sleep, all of which can be found on my website http://plumessencetherapies.co.uk/services/

For a no-obligation chat, please just call on 01889 808388 or 07803399594 or book an appointment using the web address above.

From the end of July, I am offering a new 6-session programme called Mind Body Business, where a range of subjects are covered for business owners.  A healthy mind and a healthy body will help lead to a healthy business.

For more details, please just email your interest on [email protected]

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