‘What if’ and ‘should’ – words that can get in the way

Benefits of mediation opening slide

After delivering this morning’s workshop, entitled The Benefits of Meditation, I was partly disappointed that the sun was shining.

I wanted to get on with some admin which I knew I wouldn’t do, because sitting in the garden, eating my lunch would be a far better choice, and the one I chose.

Whilst eating my lunch, I knew I had gone into a meditative state just watching the birds at play, listening to their song and the waterfall by the pond.

Then suddenly, a thought popped into my head.  “Oh no, I’ve just realised the assessor was there and I didn’t include him in the lesson!”

I feel horrified and then my mind starts whirring.  “Should I have included him or did I do the right thing by not doing so?  Did I engage the learners enough? What if he says I didn’t?  Does he think I may have patronised people by offering to help them, or does he think I didn’t offer enough help?  Should I have been more serious and not joked about people I know and love or should I have made more light of the whole lesson? Should I have stood still?  Did I move too much?  Did I not move enough to the right of the class? Should I have left my boots on or was it ok to take them off?  Should I have allowed one learner to lie on the floor, or not? Did I get the balance right or did I focus too much on one thing?  Did I not elaborate enough on some things?  Should I have admitted some of the things I did, or should I have not said anything, or lied about those things?”

It wasn’t long before I realised I had tears in my eyes.  I had gone from reflecting on what a lovely lesson it was, to beating myself up about all the things I could have done wrong.

Then, I made myself stop and say one thing to myself.

“There is no point in getting upset about something you cannot control ….. that is, what other people think of you”.

This assessor has opinions of me and the way I teach, but, that’s what they are, his opinions.  Who says they are right or wrong? Who says his comments are correct?  On another day, in another class, with another subject, his assessment could be much different to today.

Who knows, another assessor could have been there today, and written a completely different assessment to the one that will be written.

So, one things for sure.  You cannot please all of the people, all of the time.  There is no such thing as perfection.  There is no point trying.

If you feel you say a negative ‘what if’ too often, or say ‘should’ too often, then please get in touch.  My empowerment coaching belief change sessions could very well help you.  These sessions are an NLP-based approach and can include meditation techniques, all of which are simple exercises for you to continue to use at home.

A no-obligation chat is always available, just book a call or 1-2-1 meeting, using my on-line scheduling system, or call me on 01889 808388 or email [email protected]