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How to have self-belief

Simple tips on how to have self-belief

I run a women in business networking group, under the WiRE banner (Women in Rural Enterprise) and yesterday, we had an action learning session about how to say ‘yes’ to something.  Ultimately, how to have self-belief.

Although some of the tips are so obviously aimed at women, the whole thought process applies to any gender.

From the meeting, here’s what I noted about the outcome about having self-belief and how to say ‘yes’:
1). Personal belief can often be about old habitual patterns. We learn so much from those we love, care about and those we admire. Phrases we pick up, even as children, can stick with us for years, if not forever. Little comments telling us we cannot do something, will not be any good at something, asking us we think we are better than … etc. etc. can have deep-routed effects.

2).   Search deeply why and change your vibration. This can be hard.  Here, I really do mean to search deeply within you and ask why you are thinking you cannot do something.  Is it a real or perceived thought?  Take note of it and turn it around.

3).   We are tuned into negative thoughts better than positive, however we cannot think of both at the same time. I’m sure this is some hard-wired scientific explanation that I don’t want to look for right now, but we humans are very good at thinking negative thoughts quicker than we are positive ones.  However, we really cannot think both at the same time.  If you are thinking negatively, perhaps consider an achievement that can help you to think positively.  A great way to alter your thought vibration.  The more often you practise it, the easier it becomes.

4).   Our thoughts can naturally get in the way and that can be ok, sometimes for the best.  Acting on intuition is often a great thing.  Perhaps not doing something is for the best.  If you REALLY don’t want to do something, then don’t.

5).   We default to ‘cant’ so change your thought process to ‘find solutions’ so you can.  This came to me when completing a tender document this week.  I wasn’t able to apply for the tender in the end, because I didn’t have certain things in place.  In this case, the answer had to be ‘no’ but it has encouraged me to find solutions to those problems so that next time, I can easily say ‘yes’  I learnt want I needed to do in order to say yes.

6).   Get support. Get a mentor or be part of a mastermind/mentoring group. Get support from those that will encourage you (i.e. WiRE) and not always from your friends and family.  Friends and family are not always the best encouragers.  In fact, they can be the ones who will plant those negative thoughts into us.  Finding support can be difficult but it is there.  Use a coach or mentor or join a very supportive networking group.  Go to number 7.
7). Tell someone what you want to do, so they can help you find those solutions. Sharing your ideas and your fears within your correct support network means someone can help you find the solutions as detailed in point 5.  It is often the case, that someone will have been there and done that and so can advise you on what to do, or not what to do as the case may be, on how to achieve what you really want to achieve.  Ask for help.

8). Use Richard Branson’s way of thinking.. “Say yes then work out how”.

9). Think like a man.  This is from the story about how a man can apply for a job and get it.  If 10 women and 1 man looks to apply for a job, often the man will get it.  Why?  Because in the job specification, let’s say there are 10 requirements.  I will look at numbers 1 to 8 and say ‘yes I can do those’.  She may look at number 9 and think ‘well, I can do a bit of that’ and at number 10 she thinks ‘ooh, I cannot do that’, so she doesn’t apply because she does not fit all 10 requirements.  A man will look at the 10 requirements and can think ‘nope, can’t do that, nope never done that, eerrmm, I know a little about that one and so on, until he gets to number 10.  He knows he can do number 10, for sure, so he applies for the job.  Guess who gets the job.  Again, this goes back to saying yes to something then learn how to do it, or ask for help.
10)  Set deadlines.  If you are going to tell someone you are wanting to do something, then set a deadline too.  This is where accountability buddies, your support network, mentor etc. will help.  If you know you have a deadline by which to complete the task, or even just say ‘yes’, you are more likely to stop procrastinating and getting on with it.
11).   Stop worrying about what others may think of you.  This is something a lot of women seem to worry about.  Do men worry too?  Just stop it!  If you really want to say yes to something then just do it!  Worry about yourself and what you will think of yourself.  Have respect for yourself and your feelings.

Just do it!

As you can see, many of these hints and tips are pretty much along the same lines, the same thing said in different ways.  I have kept it like that for a reason.  Sometimes, something said in a different way can resonate with someone.

If you want to know how you can overcome some fears and personal belief, then I can help as a Belief Change Practitioner and Personal Empowerment Coach and Stress Management Practitioner.

I’m always happy to meet for a no-obligation chat, either at my premises or somewhere neutral. Just call 01889 808388, email [email protected] or use the book now button on the website www.plumessencetherapies.co.uk to book a 1-2-1.

Belief

Daisy belief

‘What if’ and ‘should’ – words that can get in the way

benefits of mediation pic

Benefits of mediation opening slide

After delivering this morning’s workshop, entitled The Benefits of Meditation, I was partly disappointed that the sun was shining.

I wanted to get on with some admin which I knew I wouldn’t do, because sitting in the garden, eating my lunch would be a far better choice, and the one I chose.

Whilst eating my lunch, I knew I had gone into a meditative state just watching the birds at play, listening to their song and the waterfall by the pond.

Then suddenly, a thought popped into my head.  “Oh no, I’ve just realised the assessor was there and I didn’t include him in the lesson!”

I feel horrified and then my mind starts whirring.  “Should I have included him or did I do the right thing by not doing so?  Did I engage the learners enough? What if he says I didn’t?  Does he think I may have patronised people by offering to help them, or does he think I didn’t offer enough help?  Should I have been more serious and not joked about people I know and love or should I have made more light of the whole lesson? Should I have stood still?  Did I move too much?  Did I not move enough to the right of the class? Should I have left my boots on or was it ok to take them off?  Should I have allowed one learner to lie on the floor, or not? Did I get the balance right or did I focus too much on one thing?  Did I not elaborate enough on some things?  Should I have admitted some of the things I did, or should I have not said anything, or lied about those things?”

It wasn’t long before I realised I had tears in my eyes.  I had gone from reflecting on what a lovely lesson it was, to beating myself up about all the things I could have done wrong.

Then, I made myself stop and say one thing to myself.

“There is no point in getting upset about something you cannot control ….. that is, what other people think of you”.

This assessor has opinions of me and the way I teach, but, that’s what they are, his opinions.  Who says they are right or wrong? Who says his comments are correct?  On another day, in another class, with another subject, his assessment could be much different to today.

Who knows, another assessor could have been there today, and written a completely different assessment to the one that will be written.

So, one things for sure.  You cannot please all of the people, all of the time.  There is no such thing as perfection.  There is no point trying.

If you feel you say a negative ‘what if’ too often, or say ‘should’ too often, then please get in touch.  My empowerment coaching belief change sessions could very well help you.  These sessions are an NLP-based approach and can include meditation techniques, all of which are simple exercises for you to continue to use at home.

A no-obligation chat is always available, just book a call or 1-2-1 meeting, using my on-line scheduling system, or call me on 01889 808388 or email [email protected]

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